Welcome to the great adult playground, where not everyone with a beard or heels has a fully developed prefrontal cortex. Some folks’ emotional development took a sharp left during toddlerhood—and just never came back.
Maybe their parents shut them down every time they cried over spilled juice. Maybe it was Mercury in retrograde. Who knows? What matters is that you’ve now crossed paths with one of these adult toddlers, and your day just got more interesting.
Let’s begin with how to spot them—because these folks walk, talk, and even pay taxes like the rest of us. But their emotional radar? Still tuned to Teletubbies.
1. Passive Aggression Olympics
These emotionally stunted unicorns will hate you for being a grown-ass adult. You’ll recognize it when they start slinging side-eyes and vague comments like it’s an Olympic sport. But don’t confront them—they’ll deny everything with the conviction of a politician during campaign season.
Instead, play along. Pat their emotional boo-boos, tell them you’re “proud they’re using their words,” and encourage them to graduate to full sentences one day—maybe even with some logic in there.
2. The Conspirators
Some of these adult kids will literally scheme against you in front of your face, like a toddler whispering a “secret plan” in a room full of adults. Don’t waste your breath explaining how successful conspiracies are usually private—they’ll throw a tantrum and accuse you of being mean for hearing them out loud.
Just smile, let them finish their master plan, then clap and say, “Wow, what genius! You manipulated me. That’s gonna cost you one full minute of tickles!” That’ll send them giggling and running—giving you just enough time to handle the real adult stuff they’re avoiding.
3. Gossip Gremlins
Then we have the gossipers, upset by the fact that you have a life—and worse, you’re living it unapologetically. They don’t like the way you live… so they talk.
Here’s what you do: Apologize for their feelings. Yes, really. “Sorry you feel that way.” It’s the emotional pacifier they crave. But don’t you dare change a damn thing about your life—reinforcing their behavior is not in the curriculum.
Final Thoughts for the Brave Souls Dealing With This Circus
You can’t reason with them (yet), and you shouldn’t reward them either. You’re not here to finish the job their parents half-did—but if you must, validate their feelings just enough to keep the peace, and let them scream into their emotional security blankets until maturity starts knocking.
And remember, you can’t save them all. Some people really do peak emotionally at age six.
