The game in the Country of Mickey Mouse is still running strong, and apparently it’s getting so entertaining that new players keep jumping in. So let’s break it down: who’s playing, what are their “noble” goals, and how they all bump into each other while pretending to be on opposite sides.
CIA (Clowns in Action)
Definition: Not really an American agency, more like an international toddler with daddy issues. Think of them as interns working for the “parent country,” except their internship never ends.
Goals:
- Recruit the target or break him psychologically into a discount version of himself.
- Collect data and study the target with the enthusiasm of a three-year-old discovering a plug socket.
Relationships:
- CE (Children Exploiters): They pretend to be in a Tom & Jerry chase, but spoiler: they’re eating cheese from the same fridge. In fact, they’re so close they literally bug the same bathroom with the same microphones.
CE (Children Exploiters – aka Rotten Root of the Illuminati Tree)
Definition: The VIP villains. If the world was a video game, they’d be the final boss with cheat codes enabled.
Goals:
- Force the target to pick a side: light (boring) or dark (preferred).
- Make sure he never joins the Enslaved Masons, because turf wars are a thing—even in hell.
Relationships:
- CIA: Same parent country, just different flavors of dysfunction.
- EM (Enslaved Masons): Competitors in the same way two raccoons fight over trash.
EM (Enslaved Masons)
Definition: Discount villains. Still dangerous, but they’re basically the CE’s younger siblings who try way too hard. They have enough influence in Mickey Mouse Land to make you think the government and the Masons share the same apartment lease.
Goals:
- Recruit the target or destroy him so he doesn’t sign up with the competition.
Relationships:
- CE: Competitors (translation: they steal each other’s rituals).
- Police: Complicated. Sometimes they claim to be the police, sometimes they claim to work for the police, and sometimes they just are the police. Honestly, who can tell the difference anymore?
FBI (Forever Behind Intelligence)
Definition: Exactly like in the movies—the “good guys.” Chasing big fish but they never catch it.
Goals:
- “Protect” the target (or so they say).
- Collect evidence against illegal actions until a higher level tell us to store it in a box labeled Do Not Open Until Never.
Relationships:
- EM, CIA, CE: Same family reunion, just different barbecue tables.
TW (The Watchers aka Government Side Clowns)
Definition: The landlords of the playground, you can see them as someone having an existential crisis wondering who they are and what they came to earth to do. They’re being used by one or more of the players to an obvious degree that makes the real question: are they being used by choice or ignorance?
Goals:
- Destroy the target’s reputation with the efficiency of a drunk rumor mill and when they get exposed they say “it was not us” or “oops, we did not know”.
- Offer the target as bait, giving the illusion they’re after the “bad guys.” (They’re not.)
- Pretend to enforce rules, but actually just keep the dating show running according to the unspoken rules of the country of Mickey Mouse “do not forget to bow by reading unspoken rules”.
And yet, in the middle of all this chaos, the target nods along with the absurdity or the show. Because deep down he knows: if he ever gets killed, it won’t be by fate—it’ll be by trusting Mickey Mouse and his team of cartoon characters.
