The CIA—Clowns in Action—is an intelligence agency from the United Villages. They joined the Game of Irresponsibles by sending a sadist doctor with a lot of money. Because apparently, when your reputation is in the gutter, the natural fix is to send a medically licensed sadist with a briefcase. Very strategic. Very spy-movie.
The sadist doctor has the intention of putting the individual behind bars, no matter if the individual is innocent, and no matter if the individual is actually helping the authorities. Because in the CIA’s world, guilt is optional and cooperation is punishable. Very justice-oriented. Very rule-of-law.
Why? The individual refused to help the CIA because of the shitty history and present they have, and the crimes they commit against even the civilians of the United Villages. That was enough for the CIA to decide to put the individual behind bars, or at least forbid him from entering the United Villages. Nothing says “recruitment pitch” quite like punitive exile for saying no. Very persuasive. Very diplomatic.
The CIA is responsible for torturing many people, and for imprisoning the CIA agent who exposed them. Because whistleblowers are the real enemy, obviously. The CIA was also responsible for Epstein Island, helped him get minors to abuse, and when he got caught, they arranged a fake death and helped him escape to start a new life. A full-service criminal concierge. Truly, no request is too depraved.
The CIA has tried pills on the citizens of the United Villages without their consent, and some of them ended up dead. And every single person involved got off free—without jail time. Because accountability is for people who can’t afford three-letter acronyms.
Imagine what kind of help they would ask the individual to do? So his answer was: no, fuck off. A reasonable, measured response, all things considered.
They joined the Game of Irresponsibles with the claim that they wanted to catch the Plastic King and his drugs, but they spent most of their time setting traps for the individual and threatening him with jail every time he said a fact they didn’t like. Because catching a drug-dealing cult leader is hard, but bullying a civilian who hurt your feelings? Much more manageable.
Because of that, the individual decided to stop helping any authority, since the goal had shifted from catching the bad guys to catching the individual for the unforgivable crime of acting morally and refusing to help the CIA—the same CIA responsible for all those terrible things. So to recap: the bad guys are still free, the whistleblower is in hiding, the torturers got promotions, and the guy who said “no thanks” is the one they want in a cell. The system works. Sleep tight.
